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Thursday, February 9th, 2012
11:55 am - Girls Night
Tonight we are marching to a Girls Night. We are going to bring two bottles of lambrusco.  We need a night to get away from our husbands and boyfriends before we mobilize for the election this fall.

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Wednesday, May 10th, 2006
7:31 pm - A March Against a Shit.
Sean is a shit, and we hate that a fashion website posted him. We suppose that makes him happy. We are marching to change that. He is pretentious, boorish, boreish, boarish, and has a broke-ass grill. We are sick of his clothes and his face. We are marching to his house right now.

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Tuesday, May 10th, 2005
7:50 am - A March on the Long-Winded
One million of us moms are lacing up two million of our shoes because an unfunny long-winded event is slated to happen at 7 pm on Saturday and Sunday at Anatomy Bar on 6th St in New York. Big Jake is going to deliver monologues about hating women (we are a million women, mind you!) that he knows aren't funny. Hatred is not complaining about being mistreated by girls who don't like you enough--hatred is carving people's names into bullets with which to shove through your enemies' throats. (We remain opposed to gun violence.)

current mood: on alert

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Thursday, March 17th, 2005
11:43 am - We are not Astonished
We are marching on Ayn Rand. She overuses the word "astonished" so much that she notes when people are not astonished. We are aware that English is not her first language. We forgave 10 astonishments because of that. She is charged with foul writing in the first degree. She is guilty and she is already dead.

Afterward, we are marching in support of social security. Republicans think social security is an investment, not an insurance policy. But when we mothers age, social security will keep us from living in abject poverty if something happens. Then we'll be less likely to have to move in with our 1,000,000 children.

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Thursday, December 30th, 2004
12:22 am - We are Coming Soon.
We are marching to oreofuchi. He has done nothing wrong. We like him. We are just bringing him a big cake for his birthday. We will be there shortly.

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Sunday, November 7th, 2004
3:00 pm - We are busy.
We have just received our shipment of 60,000,000 bullets. We are writing the names of our enemies on each. We are well equipped for this task because that works out to only 60 bullets per mom. Then we will use them.

We are still against gun violence. We will shove each bullet through the criminal's throat.

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Thursday, November 4th, 2004
4:25 am - We have work to do.
We are coming. Our shitlist has 60,000,000 names on it and each will be receiving a visit from us. You know who you are. We know who you are too.

current mood: furious

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Tuesday, November 2nd, 2004
5:15 am - We Deliver
1,000,000 votes for Kerry.

current mood: quantiful

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Wednesday, October 27th, 2004
4:59 am - we are marching on mightyrighty
mightyrighty is a woman with no remorse. She is less funny than she is young. She is not young at all. She is not intelligent at all. She is going to get a number of beerrectals that is somewhere between 1 and 1,000,000. She will not know until she gets them. For those who don't understand beerrectals, imagine being punched in the ass with a beer can. That's what a beerrectal feels like because that's what a beerrectal is. mightyrighty might also receive a punch in the head with a beer can. There is no name for this.

current mood: drunk

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Thursday, September 2nd, 2004
7:43 am - A march.
We are marching on justgoto. We are nearing his home. He is the worst kind of person who could ever exist: ugly, ignorant, rude, shitty. We plan to punish him for his misdeeds and we plan to enjoy his suffering. He has laughed at the suffering of others, and we will laugh at the suffering of him. We hope his testicles are large (though we doubt it) so we call all partake in the drinking of the meat smoothie we make from them with the help of our blender. Moms can be crafty with foodstuffs, especially during the Great Depression.

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Sunday, August 22nd, 2004
3:18 am - A very important march
We are marching against the so-called Swift Boat Veterans for Truth. They are liars and must pay. Their lies are well-documented and they are illegally coordinating with the Bush/Cheney campaign. If they know what's good for them, they will get back in their boats and stay there. We are not a Million Mom Swim, so we remain on land. That is the only advice we will give.

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Friday, August 13th, 2004
12:59 am - A special march
We are marching against rfurtkamp's writing. He is obsessed with haze. It is completely abstract. It is terrible. In Idaho, there aren't people around to tell you that you are terrible when you are, so a million of us moms are going to tramp up there and inform him.

current mood: infuriated

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Monday, August 9th, 2004
8:58 pm - Soon.
We are marching on chasep2001 tomorrow morning. He is the fattest, ugliest republican we've seen for awhile. He's also unforgivably stupid and sarcastic in a completely humorless way. It's lucky for him that he has HIV--his miserable life will be over sooner than it would be otherwise. This disgrace is too ugly to hold opinions. We are going over to his house to let him know.

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Wednesday, July 28th, 2004
6:58 pm - rfurtkamp
We are coming for rfurtkamp. His gun collection cannot stop us. We wear bullet-proof attire. We are scheduled to be at his backwoods hideout within the next few hours. He is the paragon of a Libertarian-leaning Mountain-time-zone Republican, what with his crazy beard, his addiction to guns, his sad attempts at humor, and the superior tone he takes in his journal. Mr. Furtkamp: You are not funny. You are not smart. You are a vile turd, and we are coming over.

current mood: angry

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Wednesday, July 21st, 2004
10:57 pm - Success
We have marched on http://www.aerofanatic.com. We marched there with the goal of killing it, and we have. The owner of the site, Billards, is the worst. He has a porcine head that houses bad ideas and a boring personality. He is the kind of person television advertising caters to. His fiancee is just as bad, but she survives for now, because she is too bland to offend us enough to march in her direction. We are busy, you know.

current mood: good

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11:56 am - A literary march
We will be marching on lima_pcp for not knowing who Christopher Marlowe is. We despise ignorance and we love Dr. Faustus.

current mood: annoyed

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Tuesday, July 20th, 2004
11:32 pm - Non LiveJournal Hate.
We are scheduled to be at MN's house very soon.

MN is the worst because he is a cad. He fornicated with two attracitive, brilliant, funny people, and he got intimidated, so he behaved badly towards them. He shut them out of his life bit by bit, and he could never find the words or the soul to explain why. MN is an actor, and is unable to say words that are his own. When not given lines to memorize, MN can merely spout exclamatory small-talk shitspeak, and cannot say anything of meaning or merit.

MN also once slapped one of the people with his flaccid penis, which was not as nice as the penis of the other person.

MN puts us in a foul, foul mood, and we can't wait to meet him.

current mood: aggravated

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10:43 pm - Beware.
When I come for you, it will be on foot.

current mood: angry

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